I am content right now because I am doing activities that are self-esteem reinforcing, aka, I'm getting involved and I realized that it's worth the stress.
The stress of doing stuff is better than the anxiety of not doing anything. I thought it would be relaxing to focus on academics without overachieving, but it's not. I guess it's how Dagny felt when she tried to not be VP Operations of Taggart Transcontinental (Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand).
I wanted to convince myself that it's okay to not be an overachiever. And I know it is, but I deny it to myself. And I tried very hard to stop myself from worrying because I wasn't doing every possible thing I could do to boost my resume, to build character, to move ahead. But it didn't work. And I've come to terms with that. I have an overachieving disorder and I can cope with it.
It's not such a bad thing after all, right?
And paradoxically, apparently being more involved helps boost academic performance as well (so I've heard).
So I'm going to heed Dory's advice in Finding Nemo, and just keep swimming.
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